Ahh! Marriage freak-out!!

[sun_set_bravely]

I just got a wedding invitation from an old friend. She's already changed her name so that she and her HUSBAND? could be stationed together (they're both in the military). Her e-mail went into my junk mail box because she sent it from her new, married-name e-mail address.

The first thing she writes is, "This is Jane Doe" (with her maiden name, of course; her name isn't actually Jane Doe) -- because otherwise I would have no idea who was writing. But I'm confused! Isn't she still Jane Doe? Then why isn't she still called that? How do you spend so many years with one name and then trade it in for a new one? Doesn't that freak you out? Am I the only one who finds this strange and unfair? Arggh!!!

This will be an interesting wedding. When we were in middle school, we planned our futures in exotic locations with movie star husbands. We chose wedding rings out of catalogs and planned how our boyfriends would propose to us. And now this shit is actually happening? I'm wigged out. It's true. I'm not ready to give in yet. I don't understand it enough to know what I'd be getting into.

{/marriage freak-out}

I'm starving and I need to go to bed. Good night, all.

Comments

[microbie.livejournal.com]

Strangely, the only close friends of mine who've gotten married have been men, so I haven't really dealt with the name-change thing yet. I plan on being totally superficial about the situation, if it ever comes up: if I like his last name more than my own, I'll change mine.

[curmudgeon.livejournal.com]

No need to freak out. You get to invent marriage as you want to live it; there's no need to "get into" something that doesn't fit.

And there is no way in hell I would ever change my name for anyone.

[poetbear.livejournal.com]

it's only a custom folks. my daughter-in-law uses the
same name she's used all her life, and they've been married
for almost ten years now. ~paul

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Good point. I realized that what I was reacting to was the strictly enforced traditional practice when husband and wife couldn't choose what works best for them. I'm relatively new to this phase of life where people I know are starting to get married, so the freedom of the marrying couple to create their own customs may be stronger and more prevalent than I think.

[heidilouwho.livejournal.com]

i'm all about keeping my name - it just works better, you know? i worked with someone in college who made me a true believer in my first and last names being my "stage name," if you will. the "he" part in my first name goes so well with the "he" part in my last name... i don't even believe in using my middle initial anymore - who needs it?

and honestly, i don't believe in any of this crazy hyphenated-name stuff either - pick one! not to insult anyone if you do have a married hyphenated name, but it just drives me nuts!

p.s. this friend from way back when, is her wedding going to be in houston?

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

I think my reaction was mostly to the traditionally enforced form of dealing with marriage. I'm new to this place where friends of mine are actually getting married, so maybe I'm wrong -- maybe it is more of a personal choice these days. So if it's her choice to change her name, or so-and-so's choice to keep her name, or hyphenate, or just pick a new one altogether, then what can I say about that? But still, my knee-jerk reaction is fear.

The wedding is going to be in NJ. I wouldn't miss it.

Begins to change

[freak1c.livejournal.com]

. Lemon Bars. Stationed. Swingsets in Houston playgrounds. Jersey. Blue bottles.

I had a similar reaction to my friends house tonite, and her state of marriedness. I'm just not sure where to put my friends when they get married. People I know that are married before I know them, great. Fine. But when they get married after we've become friends.

Well. Anyway.

[dew.livejournal.com]

I have to agree about the hyphenated thing. It looks stupid (and how do you alphabetize it?)

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

What gets me about the hyphenated last name is that it's still only the woman who hyphenates her name. The man still gets to keep his name. It's just not fair.

interesting

[blushblush.livejournal.com]

very interesting. I was thinking about this when my childhood friend told me she's going to become Mrs.someone else in 2 months.
One time when Ofir and I went traveling, we arrived at the hotel, and the receptionist called us Mr. and Mrs. Peng simply because I booked the room for us. We were both amused because he never looks like someone with a Chinese last name. I am fine with being Ms. Peng, if he wants to, he can be Mr. Peng. But I guess most of the guys are not making major changes in their life for another person.....

[http://users.livejournal.com/lindalee_/]

mmhmm.. that's why i'm not dropping my last name, i'm WAY too partial to it.

i'm simply adding his name to mine, so i will have 3 names, and everyday i will use his name, but officially/professionally, i'll use all names.

probably.

unless it gets too confusing, then i'll figure something else out.

but i haven't changed my name yet! still time to decide on that one...