Return to NYC
Oct. 8th, 2003 08:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sun_set_bravelyI'm here, but I'm quiet. My trip was wonderful; it was peaceful in all the ways that I needed, and re-affirming as well. Indeed, as I suspected all along, I can drive myself where I need to go in a car. I will post pictures and tell a few stories when I find the words.
But for the moment, I'm drawing back into myself, thinking about my life, and trying not to drown in the past. I miss him. I wrote my fingers off last night to keep from calling him, because I know it won't help, him or me. Luckily, my cell phone battery died once I was already snuggled in bed, so the temptation was neutralized. And then the morning came, and life always looks different in the daylight. The day will come when I will be fine, better than fine. And I know a day like that will come for him, too, when he can imagine a life without me. And that fact terrifies me, to think how life moves on without my permission.
~ ~ ~
One last note: my friend R.'s teenage sister is in the hospital, with a recurrence of they're-not-sure-what. She's been on demerol and morphine in the last month, and she's only 13. Please, if you pray, pray for her and her mother, who is taking care of her, basically alone.
But for the moment, I'm drawing back into myself, thinking about my life, and trying not to drown in the past. I miss him. I wrote my fingers off last night to keep from calling him, because I know it won't help, him or me. Luckily, my cell phone battery died once I was already snuggled in bed, so the temptation was neutralized. And then the morning came, and life always looks different in the daylight. The day will come when I will be fine, better than fine. And I know a day like that will come for him, too, when he can imagine a life without me. And that fact terrifies me, to think how life moves on without my permission.
~ ~ ~
One last note: my friend R.'s teenage sister is in the hospital, with a recurrence of they're-not-sure-what. She's been on demerol and morphine in the last month, and she's only 13. Please, if you pray, pray for her and her mother, who is taking care of her, basically alone.
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Date: 2003-10-08 09:50 am (UTC)that's terrible about the 13-year-old on such strong pain-killers. i hope they can find the problem and cure her, soon, and i wish her and her mother health and strength.
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Date: 2003-10-09 05:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-08 10:35 am (UTC)yeah..it does..
i need to believe in that some more sometimes, but it does.
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