Messy, wonderful life
Sep. 4th, 2005 11:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sun_set_bravelyIt's official -- my Texas driver's license expires today. Last week, I applied for my first NY State license, even though I've lived here for eight years. I've been in denial, evidently.
I worked a random 12-hour job: handing out free ice cream on the Jersey Shore as part of a clothing store promotion. My friend's brother knows the guy in marketing, etc. etc., which is how I got hooked up with the one-day paying gig. It was so much fun! My job was to direct people to the ice cream truck, where my friend passed out single servings of green tea gelato (delicious!), Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie, and Ben and Jerry's Vanilla for a Change. It was great fun to see so many smiles (from adults and children), and getting to ride in an ice cream truck (not too far, for safety reasons). Also, it was wonderful to work for a boss other than myself, and to do a job that I couldn't possibly fail at. I even got a hug and a kiss on the cheek from one man when I offered him free ice cream. He appeared to have Down's Syndrome. He carried two big plastic bags, wore thick glasses, and had two false teeth in the front of his wide smile. He was almost more excited by me talking to him than he was about the free ice cream, though he definitely went to the truck and asked for a cup of vanilla.
At the end of the day, my friend and I (who had been wearing our bathing suits underneath our clothes all day, just in case) dove into the ocean and floated in the waves, chatting about astringents, properly-fitted bras, and how much we enjoyed swimming when we were kids. The New York skyline was visible in the distance, and I let my head rest back in the water so my body would float to the surface perfectly, my toes peeking out of the water, my face worshiping the sky. I felt like I was flying. I thought a little about the ocean, and nature, and its unexpected destruction. But mostly, I thought about how happy I am to be alive, to be growing, to be part of this crazy, ugly, holy world.
Today is my 27th birthday. Yesterday, I realized that I will never again be 26 (in this life, anyway). I thought about how hard I've been driving myself lately, and about I've been stuck in my head (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
schpahky -- the swords were definitely accurate). I suddenly realized that I only get one shot for each day, each second of my life, and I would be a fool to waste any of it, even the tiniest drop of time, doubting myself or beating up on myself for not working harder-better-faster. Even with all of the intense, nearly unbearable pain that life brings, if I have one moment of deep breath, sunlight through leaves, or sublime laughter, then my life has been complete. Every small, sacred moment like that is a blessing, no matter what happens tomorrow. Sadness is a given, but so is transcendence. I believe that to be true.
I am so grateful to my mother for bringing me into this messy, wonderful life, to my father and sister for loving me, to all of my friends and family for spinning on this wild ride with me, and sharing their stories so that we can all grow together, like beautiful morning glories on the same vine, twisting and reaching and opening toward the sun, bright blue and brazen.
I worked a random 12-hour job: handing out free ice cream on the Jersey Shore as part of a clothing store promotion. My friend's brother knows the guy in marketing, etc. etc., which is how I got hooked up with the one-day paying gig. It was so much fun! My job was to direct people to the ice cream truck, where my friend passed out single servings of green tea gelato (delicious!), Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie, and Ben and Jerry's Vanilla for a Change. It was great fun to see so many smiles (from adults and children), and getting to ride in an ice cream truck (not too far, for safety reasons). Also, it was wonderful to work for a boss other than myself, and to do a job that I couldn't possibly fail at. I even got a hug and a kiss on the cheek from one man when I offered him free ice cream. He appeared to have Down's Syndrome. He carried two big plastic bags, wore thick glasses, and had two false teeth in the front of his wide smile. He was almost more excited by me talking to him than he was about the free ice cream, though he definitely went to the truck and asked for a cup of vanilla.
At the end of the day, my friend and I (who had been wearing our bathing suits underneath our clothes all day, just in case) dove into the ocean and floated in the waves, chatting about astringents, properly-fitted bras, and how much we enjoyed swimming when we were kids. The New York skyline was visible in the distance, and I let my head rest back in the water so my body would float to the surface perfectly, my toes peeking out of the water, my face worshiping the sky. I felt like I was flying. I thought a little about the ocean, and nature, and its unexpected destruction. But mostly, I thought about how happy I am to be alive, to be growing, to be part of this crazy, ugly, holy world.
Today is my 27th birthday. Yesterday, I realized that I will never again be 26 (in this life, anyway). I thought about how hard I've been driving myself lately, and about I've been stuck in my head (
schpahky -- the swords were definitely accurate). I suddenly realized that I only get one shot for each day, each second of my life, and I would be a fool to waste any of it, even the tiniest drop of time, doubting myself or beating up on myself for not working harder-better-faster. Even with all of the intense, nearly unbearable pain that life brings, if I have one moment of deep breath, sunlight through leaves, or sublime laughter, then my life has been complete. Every small, sacred moment like that is a blessing, no matter what happens tomorrow. Sadness is a given, but so is transcendence. I believe that to be true.I am so grateful to my mother for bringing me into this messy, wonderful life, to my father and sister for loving me, to all of my friends and family for spinning on this wild ride with me, and sharing their stories so that we can all grow together, like beautiful morning glories on the same vine, twisting and reaching and opening toward the sun, bright blue and brazen.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 07:52 pm (UTC)Happy Birthday!!!
Date: 2005-09-04 04:08 pm (UTC)Re: Happy Birthday!!!
Date: 2005-09-06 07:52 pm (UTC)Re: Happy Birthday!!!
Date: 2005-09-06 08:06 pm (UTC)Your Moment
Date: 2005-09-04 04:23 pm (UTC)when things get goofy. These kinds
of moments will come again and it
is worth all the ick in between
to hang in until you experience one
of them again. Your joy is contagious!
Re: Your Moment
Date: 2005-09-06 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 04:39 pm (UTC)(psssst: NYC Fountain Pen Show next weekend -- wanna come out one day? I plan to go all three days.)
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Date: 2005-09-06 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 05:36 pm (UTC):-)
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Date: 2005-09-06 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-04 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 10:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-05 01:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-05 04:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-06 07:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 01:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 01:45 am (UTC)"Live life like you're gonna die. Because you are." - William Shatner
Date: 2005-09-07 09:49 pm (UTC)But no matter how old you are, I think you're splendid. Memories are the birthday presents we reward ourselves with every day, and, as a veteran of a number of months, weeks, days, hours and minutes as well as years, I've noticed that it's those mental imprints of emotions and events that really make for the most astounding presents. Whether it's a harrowing period of life or an ecstatic one--what I value is that I remember it, and that it becomes another story. Another chapter stop on the DVD of life. (Groan.) The value of writing--a value, I should say--is in microdocumenting those events so that when you look back, you can say, "Wow, I really lived that time in my life." It's why you and I are glad you've chosen writing as a profession.
Anyway, nothing profound here, but hold on to those wide-open eyes, kid. I had big plans for 27. It ended up being a very memorable year, although not quite in ways I had predicted. Does it ever happen that way?
Also, I could not let you get away without 27 comments on this post.