Resigned

[sun_set_bravely]

I still haven't heard anything definite about the new job.

But.

I gave my one month notice at work on Monday anyway.


For the past few weeks, I've seen this image in my head: I'm standing in a nebulous space, and there are several amazing opportunities suspended in mid-air, not two feet in front of me (much like the bullets in front of Neo at the end of the first Matrix). I've been waiting for them to drop, to fall into existence, but none of them were moving. Not the job, not an apartment, not the script.

All I needed to do was move my arm, and they would fall into place. I knew that the Universe was waiting for me to take positive action (something! anything!) toward my dreams, and then it would pour these blessings onto me.

This image felt irrational sometimes, but I was convinced that showed my life exactly as it was. As I waited to hear about the new job, and the script, I felt strongly that nothing would happen until I made a choice.

I needed to take action.

Going to the retreat was part of it. This weekend was amazing. I was inspired by the unbelievable (but true) stories told by the women around me -- stories of chance and serendipity guiding them into opportunities bigger than they'd ever imagined.

And through some deep emotional work, and a lot of updating, I realized that my image of things frozen before me wasn't all wrong. Because my vital energy is being drained by my current job, I don't have the capacity to attract the next amazing thing into my life.

Put another way: my arms are full of bullshit, and so the Universe can't bless me with the abundance it has in store for me.

So. I dropped the bullshit.

I'm putting myself in a place where I can receive my dreams. I've been saving up for this for a year and a half now, and I realized this weekend: what else would I use that money for? If not for my dreams, then for what?

So. As of April 8th, I will be blissfully unemployed for at least a month. I will uncoil my heart from three years in a toxic work environment. I will nap, walk, visit museums, people-watch, lay on a blanket in the park. I will write. I will feel my time and creativity to be an endless well, rather than a scarce resource. I will visit my friend in California, a visit that has been five years in the making. I will visit Boston. I will stay inside and watch the rain from my windowsill. I will take baths. I will read. I will put all of my energy into making the most of this incredible screenplay opportunity. I will find an agent. I will laugh. I will do anything I want.

One skill we learned this weekend was to be clear about what we need or want from other people when we tell them about our dreams. Please celebrate with me, my LJ friends. Think only good things. I'll need your valuable advice and recommendations at some time.

But now is the time for the Hallelujahs, my friends. Thank you for getting to this place with me.

Comments

[freak1c.livejournal.com]

For she's a jolly good fellow,
For she's a jolly good fellow...

Congratulations sister! You are destined for greatness. It's awesome to see you reach for it.

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you, my brother. For all of your help.

(P.S. Was that sung a la Madeline Kahn in "Clue"??)

[freak1c.livejournal.com]

You are welcome. Thank you!

It was sung that way - all askew like.

[oceanic.livejournal.com]

Yeah!!

Stick 'em up, punk, it's the fun lovin' criminals..

You are being so completely brave here, and it's inspiring as hell. The answer for me right now isn't the same as yours, but it's really good to know that the option exists, the work stars can align, and awesome people like you can just stride out there and state what you want. :)

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you, my dear. It's amazing how many options are lurking out there in the world. I am completely in awe of your current work excellency, and I applaud you and cheer you on, too!

[oceanic.livejournal.com]

We need a little army of people waving small colored flags with "J"s and "N"s on them. :) And theme music! Definitely theme music. How do you feel about the Propellerheads James Bond theme? :)

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Sounds delectable to me! Now, is this a little army of people or an army of little people? ...

Either way, I'm completely amused!

[oceanic.livejournal.com]

I was aiming for an army of little people, but figured it would be somewhat politically incorrect of me to say "we need an army of midget cheerleaders!" ;)

[schpahky.livejournal.com]

Hallelujah, O Hallelujah! Huzzah! Cheers! Slainte!

You are brave and adventurous and this does feel right. I'm so glad to hear you're giving yourself room and you have the resources to do it the way you want to. And yes, please do visit Boston, and take baths, and lay on blankets in the park. We shall celebrate, oh yes.

Man, I love retreats.

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Mrs. Ant! You see, I knew I would eventually have time in Boston to visit with you. Perhaps I can visit your humble abode? I promise to help tidy up!

And yes, retreats are indeed excellent. It sounds cliche to call it "life-changing", but, in this case, it was.

[nickelchief.livejournal.com]

I took about a month off between jobs, two Decembers ago, by the grace of a month's back pay I was owed by the job I was leaving.

It wasn't what I expected -- the Holidays and fambly ate up a lot of that month, and it began with the news that K. was pregnant, which threw things off some -- but there were amazing days like the ones you describe in advance. I got up *early* every morning because I was so excited to have another day with my brain and soul all to myself.

I think you've done a great thing. Your time off will be just one of many gifts you've given yourself.

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I can already feel myself waking up earlier, because it's one step closer to my soul stretching out into all its corners. I'm so excited.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Best wishes with this transition.

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!

[poetbear.livejournal.com]

GO!~paul

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!

[curmudgeon.livejournal.com]

WOO HOO!

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

YEE HAW!!

(And if I make it to San Francisco, I expect to see you there!)

[paularubia.livejournal.com]

Hallelujah!

I'm excited for you.

Enjoy every minute of it!

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I definitely will!

I'm sad that I missed your show this year. It was such fun to listen last year. I hope that it went wonderfully!

[moriana90.livejournal.com]

You've got my hallelujah. Wonderful things are headed your way.

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you, my dear!

[iamkatia.livejournal.com]

Wonderful, wonderful news - yes, yes, YEESSS!!!!

You have my unflinching and joyous support and good wishes! :D

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, Katia! Your enthusiasm is wonderful!

[heidilouwho.livejournal.com]

power to the job/life-changing people! did i tell you mike is also leaving his job at the end of the month, going to work with a friend at another company? watch out world - we were unhappy, but we're not gonna take it anymore!!!

(p.s. from our conversations before: i told her, and she was totally supportive... now onto the rest!)

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Yahooo!! Congratulations! And tell Mike congratulations, too. Watch out world indeed!

[junkyard-brain.livejournal.com]

i say, Hallelujah. i say again, Hallelujah.

...that make's two.

[i've often wondered what the translation for Hallelujah was...and from what language]

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

It would appear to be from the Hebrew, meaning "Praise Jehovah!" or "Praise the Lord!"

I mostly hear Martin Sexton singing the word when I read it.

And also -- thanks. :)

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Very much wishing you all possible blessings with this.

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[http://users.livejournal.com/lindalee_/]

YAY for saying "YES!" and just going for it.

it's the hardest thing to do, ever... be unemployed without the certainty of moving forward to gainful and HAPPY employment elsewhere.... but sometimes it's just what you HAVE to do.

and, if it's any consolation, i had already typed up my resignation letter in november of last year, and i was getting ready to submit it the following monday when my boss' boss called me... and we had that candid talk.... about me leaving.

i got a job offer 2 days later.

you can do it! you can do it!

[sun-set-bravely.livejournal.com]

Thank you! The crazy thing is -- I have no doubt that something ten million times better is waiting just outside the door. And when I open it -- WHAMMO! it's going to leap into my life.